It has been about a week since my last post and the reason being I have found this week a little tough. I didn’t feel like I had much to write about because I had nothing interesting or exciting happen to me but after a couple of days thinking I started to see that actually it doesn’t have to be all fun and games. The whole point of my blog is to share my university experience with you and also tackle my anxiety by doing that. It did not make sense to not put anything up when actually this is probably the best moment to be blogging. Last week I was a little disappointed in my blog post because of the very reason that I was trying to gloss over the tough stuff so I am upping my game!
So today is my top five things I am finding hardest to deal with whilst living away from home and living in the smog (as my dad would say also known as London for those born after 1990).
- Cooking (well what goes with it!) Something that seems so simple and part of everyday life is probably one of the most frustrating things. It isn’t that I didn’t cook while at home but it is all the stuff around it. For instance, washing up after three meals a day and throwing away the wrappers that just seemed to disappear at home. Also the food shopping that just appears in the cupboards at home is missed. Yesterday I was planning my dinner and realised that actually I did not have any pasta which was a moment of pure heartbreak. It meant getting out my pyjamas and attempting to look presentable for a ten minute trip to the shop.
- Dealing with my anxieties. My mum is my rock when it comes to this as you know and having something happen and her not being here when I get back to spill it all too is so weird! I obviously have the beautiful invention of FaceTime to help out but not getting that mum hug is so hard to cope with.
- Being oversensitive. I have this incredible ability to over analyse and take things the wrong way. When somebody doesn’t laugh at my joke that means they hate me that sort of thing! So trying not to do that is so tricky and I try to stay calm but when it gets a little out of control I attempt to distract myself or just text mum and she tends to talk me out of it!
- Forcing myself to explore! I found this so hard because of my anxiety and the fact I knew I wouldn’t see anyone I knew or potentially recognise the places. I was scared of getting lost and still am. I hate getting the bus too for some reason it sets my anxiety off! This has got easier especially since I made sure I went to places I love in London over the first few days to remind myself of the exciting places I am only a stones throw away from! I am also proud to report I can happily get the bus with my headphones in and signal strong!
- The fifth and final thing I have found difficult is organising my routine without worrying about everyone else. I guess this is a good and bad thing depending how you look at it. From my anxious side it is really disconcerting because I have no routine to base my routine around. I don’t have to wake up when anyone else wakes up anymore and I can eat dinner at a time that suits me. I find it so weird. The good side is the freedom but I get anxious about the idea that nobody needs to know what I am doing. I am getting used to the idea but adjusting takes time I guess!
So there we have it my top five things I find the most difficult about living away. I have made a change in my mind that my blog doesn’t need to be all happy and shiny because that is not real. People who post that life can’t possibly be telling it all. So I am now opening up to all the stuff that isn’t fun and happy too because otherwise my blog would be a little unrealistic!
Hannah Jayne Artis ❤